This entry came about because I've been mulling over some points that were said in passing about our recent wedding and my dad's demise and I guess, about me - in general. But before I proceed, let me preface this by saying that I'm not pissed - just - startled, bewildered, curious.
While in the previous entries you must obviously see that I was gushing, here you will find some 'stuff' that are pretty much the opposite of what those who witnessed our day said.
1. That I'm a Rebel - because I don't always follow traditions like bouquet/garter toss, mom/dad dance, we don't have matching ring/bands, didn't have the gift opening, etc.
*We chose what we thought would work for us. Why get limited to what 'tradition' dictates? Yes, we're quite unconventional (we met online and got engaged 3months later, remember?!?!) and I don't see anything wrong with that. When B & I met, it may sound totally cliched, but it did feel like we know each other for so long - maybe because when we chatted on the phone and online, there were no BS-ing or what not. I told him upfront, I'm not looking for anything. I just want to explore more and discover what Canada has - then, things fell into place. So, yes, I'm a renegade - but with a cause! lol.
On post-wedding activities: Who likes to sit on boring gift openings anyway and why would we feed them again for free just to see us open our gifts?!?!? I don't see why it's a big deal. And, why do people fuss if we decide to leave the following day for our getaway. I respect old school but I certainly am no fan on people who just follow blind traditions. And my the rings! Did you see how our hands look like? Mine comes less than half of B's palm. Can you imagine if I wore a broader band or B wore the slinkier band like I have?!?!?! Rings/Bands are just symbols - that does not predict our marriage's longevity, right?
2. She's not pragmatic/practical. This came from a comment from someone who has been dumped by her rich ex-husband for a younger girl after being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) to raise their kids and whose son just recently tied the knot in Mexico.
*Knowing this girl who refers to her 'married life' as living hell and that 'that was her old-life', I think I should not dignify the comment. But, really, because we did not chose to do a destination wedding where only 10 people SHOULD be in attendance vs having 80 close families and relatives in the city where we both live would count as being impractical?!?!?! Can we just say bitter?!?!?! This old hag was saying that I must have done a lot of preps - and I did. But, for her to say that it SHOULDN'T have to be that - is definitely not her freaking business. No wonder your rich ex-husband decided to dump you. Because your attitude stinks rotten!
*This same old lady was telling us before that she'd rather just have a pantsuit than a wedding gown and she's have it in black. Fine, I have no problem with that - everyone is entitled to what they think is right for them. But really, to insist that everything has to be a certain way - and not give due preparation for just ONE day of your life is demeaning and insulting. True, it is JUST ONE day - but we want to believe that it is THE ONLY day we want to prep for - for the rest of our lifetime. Not 2, 3, 4 times in our lives. Get it?
3. You guys had a fancy wedding - you must have spent a fortune on this!
*This was a common 'issue' that I kept harping on with B because this comment was what we kept hearing from his side prior to and during the wedding. I have to admit, it did not sit well with me. In my books, fancy means fake. And contextually, it's telling me that the wedding is more of a production than a Sacrament - therefore, it's all just a show. While the other way of looking at it was, they are amazed at how things fell 'nicely' and with all the things tied up together - it does look like we prepared for it. (This was B's explanation). If that's how these people TRULY meant, then - ok, I guess I should be flattered instead of irked.
*When we sat down and envisioned our day, B&I decided that it's all about our personalities. Anything that is not 'us', will not be in the program/reception. Thus, there was no bouquet toss (I used to HATE this when I was single) and no garter toss (B HATES this too!).
*Just because it's well thought out doesn't mean that we paid a wad-load of monies to it. Ever heard of research and making informed choices? Apparently, not many does this - and, too bad for them.
*When my dad passed away last month, people were shocked to find out that we're just going home for a WEEK. They're like, WHAT?!?!?! Only a week?!?!?! I can't believe it! So, freaking big deal!?!?!?! We went home to pay our last respects to our father. We did not come to party, shop, go on vacation/holiday spree. We went home because we want to see our father for the last time. What's with people getting horrified because we're spending $$$$ on flights and not staying. Shit, don't people EVER understand giving respect anymore?!?!?! And just have to equate everything to money, money, money?!?!
4. A snob.
*Well, I stand true to choosing my friends - but I swear, I'm friendly! hahaha But, I speak my mind if you ask me sincere questions and I don't bullshit my way around to get into your good side. WYSIWYG. What you see is what you get. If being honest and true and as normal as I can get meant being a snob, then so be it. :)
*I do choose who to share my personal life stories with. While being colleagues at work is a good thing, I learned early on in life that it is good to maintain professional distance. Where I worked, I have colleagues and I have friends - and it didn't matter if they were in Canada or in Manila. I am good with swapping stories but I choose who to share my innermost self to - it's just a choice and a preference. That's not hard to digest, is it?
5. I have not changed.
*I thought this is a good thing. :) Well, save for some unwanted pounds - I'm still ME! hahaha When I went home last month, these are some of my treasured friends said - and I laughed so hard because they said it with much surprise.
Meaning, here is me, married to a Caucasian Canadian - and still can talk straight Tagalog and/or English - without resorting to the usual collegiala accent that goes like this: Oh, you know, like in Canada, like, it's so cold there!!!! I'm not used to this weather anymore! It's like, very hot!...
Friends (save for my HS who I've always been in contact with) said that they're amazed at how I'm still me and that I've not succumbed to that kind of 'lingo'. Now, isn't that something??!?!?! True, you hear people talk that way EVERYWHERE. Even here - I have lots of co-workers who speak like that and I have to tell you, it's very ANNOYING!!!!! Empty fillers don't make you sound 'sosyal' or educated or smarter. It sounds terribly WRONG. I'm sorry - but those people who speak like this are just majorly irritating.
Then again, I find people who casually go off to their native tongue (say, a Spanish, French, Chinese, Japanese, Pinoy) cute - but only when they suddenly realize that the other person can speak it - and just because they 'miss' talking with someone in their native language.
So, what labels have people attached to you? As a former corp. trainer, I'm aware of the Johari Window - and thus, even if there are things I hear or have came to my attention as a 'label' to me, I don't get upset right away. These are perceptions that might have been unknown to me because they have landed on the 'blind' side of things.
2 comments:
I feel for you. I've heard similar comments as well. Carlos and I met in an unconventional place, we have a huge age gap, myself being older, and just like you we didn't have the bouquet toss since most of my friends are married and I didn't want to embarass the single ladies. I made my parents do the garter thing though, I say better them than us :) Our rings are mismatched as well and we didn't do the opening of the gifts thing.
Just like you, after spending six years in the US, my friends said I did not change one bit. I said why would I, I knew who I am so being in a different place shouldn't change me.
Glad you had a lovely wedding and you enjoyed every moment of it. BTW, we have the same gown designer and just like you I freaking loved my gown! I wish I could wear my gown again!
you crack me up weng! i wish we were a cup of latte away - your sentiments are mine as well hahaha. isn't it weird that after the wedding you painstakingly put together, you'll really hear something to make your blood boil? but you know what - to hell with all of them, you had the wedding you wanted and that's all there is to it!
we too didn't have the bouquet toss, garter frou-frou (i didn't even bother to wear one LOL), or doves (as i am terrified of any kind of bird) - and i don't feel like i missed out on anything by not having them at my wedding.
i have to agree with you on the long distance relationship bit - especially the part about skipping all the BS when all you have is the phone and the internet.
loved the collegiala line - isn't it funny and silly when you see things from the outside? hehehe. i wonder how your hubby will react when you start speaking with that collegiala accent!
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