Ramblings...

Oh wow... no entry for September?!!?!? Well, what can I say - life has just been too busy... and something's gotta give... and journalling is relegated to the back burner... hayyyyyyyy...

The few past weeks were hectic. Work is still chaotic and frankly, am bored out of my mind! Busy, yes - actually, mega busy but am starting to have that creative pain going again. You know, the kind of itch when you are starting to feel that your mental juices are not flowing enough or you're too stuck doing the same friggin' thing over and over - worse, you had to deal with inept people day in and day out!?!? I miss my thinking-kind colleagues. The ones who would challenge a thought or a process and then, we'll make creative solutions together. Or, work on a job that allows you to learn more and get rewarded for doing something for the greater good. Sheesh, I miss those times!

I sometimes wonder if there is something else out there for me. In my 18 years of worklife, I've been blessed with working with tremendously brilliant (ok, exagg but hey, all true though!) people. And, I miss, miss, miss them - oh, except for when I worked in Branch Banking - see, I don't even remember the right terms for working in a branch hahaha... I think that is the only part of my worklife that I have not nurtured for a longer-lasting relationship... but everyone else that truly mattered, I've kept the friendship going.

So, am I feeling what I used to feel when I was in the bank? The kind where you know you are valued but bureaucracy does not allow you to move up quickly? Or, experience job enrichment? Or, feel good about the kind of thing that you do?

I think I'm hitting a wall right now. Could it be burn out? Maybe. I've not had a real holiday since our trip to California and that was just 1 freaking week! Not enough to recuperate from all the madness I had to endure. All throughout that time, I've survived one whole intake of insanity and bullshit - and I'm supposed to be doing it all over again with higher targets for Winter! Couple that with a returning control-freak of a supervisor who for some reason is loathing the whole setup that she left (our unit) - so I guess we're in for one hell of a ride by November.

You know what they say about work is (only) work???! Well, whoever said that is just not jaded for sure but is probably having millions of dollars on their bank account. Seriously, when you are stuck for almost 8 hours doing what you're doing - doesn't the whole thing rub in to your system?!? So, really the dichotomy between life and work can't be ignored, doesn't it? I know, we can't be labelled by the kind of work we do but if you spend 8 waking hours of your life doing something for work - that's really 1/3 of your day spent - and even if you ignore this, it just haunts you right down to the pits!

Alright - I know, you probably are thinking - who pissed on your cereal today!?!?!? But, that's my whole system doing a shout-out.... hey, someone out there... are you doing what you're supposed to be doing?!??!

It is an ongoing thought process... a battle of wills if you would... and I'm still searching for answers...